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agirlcalledfrost asked:

OH OH OH PLEASE TELL US A BOARDING SCHOOL STORY PRETTY PLEASE

ofgeography:

so my school had this thing called “senior skip day,” except that senior skip day didn’t exist and every year the administration sent out emails in the spring that were like DON’T FUCKIN SKIP CLASS OR YOU WILL RECEIVE RESTRICTION (restriction was like, my boarding school’s equivalent of detention where instead of staying after school you had to go to bed early and help stuff envelopes advertising the summer program until your hands were BLOODIED AND CRIPPLED BY CARPAL TUNNEL) and every year the seniors were like YOLO THEY CAN’T PUNISH ALL OF US!!!!!

  • spoiler alert: yes they can? THEY ALWAYS CAN.
  • 200 years of american high school and teenagers still think that there is a cap limit on kids in detention and that you can leave after 15 minutes if the teacher doesn’t show up.

anyway, my senior year, we all got together and nattered at each other until some brave soldier (i feel like it was my friend paula but WHO KNOWS) was like “OK SENIOR SKIP DAY IS THIS THURSDAY!!!! NOBODY GO TO CLASS OR UR A SCAB.”

  • she didn’t say scab because she’s not from the 1920s and we aren’t newsies, though this story would be way more interesting if we were
  • what she said was “YOLO THEY CAN’T PUNISH ALL OF US!!!!!”
  • except not yolo because it was 2009 and drake hadn’t been invented yet except as a dear sweet boy in a wheelchair.

we also used this email system to communicate with one another that has very deeply informed the way i understand email and which probably makes it very frustrating to be my friend and receive emails that have subject lines like “URGENT” and then just 42 links to the same florida georgia line youtube video.

  • I’M NOT ASHAMED, but in that way where like i kind of AM ashamed so i’m really aggressively NOT ashamed? 

so the day of reckoning rolls around and my alarm goes off at 8 (class started at 8:05 but i liked to PLAY WITH FIRE when it came to being late; my mom actually asked the school to stop emailing her when i was a sophomore because i was late so often that their rote “Mrs. Ofgeography we are emailing you to say—” was CLOGGING UP HER INBOX and she was like “i GET IT MY CHILD IS THE MOST BORING MISCREANT OF ALL TIME.”) and i looked at my roommate elle and she looked at me and went, “you going?”

"hell no," i said. "YOLO. they can’t punish all of us."

elle, who was far prettier and far cooler than i was with the notable exception of her obsession with tswift’s “love story” and her tendency to look at the endangered species list and cry sometimes during study hall, quickly bizounced across the street to this shopping center thing where all the cool kids smoked in secret where huge trucks dropped off clothes for the Dress Barn. i think there were also tennis courts nearby. more importantly there was this chinese food delivery place and a lil restaurant that made HELLA BAGELS.

  • WHAT KIND OF BAGELS?
  • FUCKIN
  • HELLA.

off goes elle! meanwhile i’m like, “yessssss i’m gonna use senior skip day to watch 14 hours of tv shows and eat frozen peanut butter bars that i stole from the dining hall! I’M GONNA LIVE LIKE I’M 23 ALONE IN CHICAGO ON A WEEKEND WHEN MY ONLY PLAN IS TAKEOUT AND CUDDLING WITH THE FAUX-SNOW-LEOPARD BLANKET I WILL ONE DAY SURELY OWN.” 

of course, during this time the administration was continuing to send out emails that reminded us with increasing urgency that senior skip day was NOT A THING and that we were ALL GETTING RESTRICTION if we didn’t get our STUPID ASSES TO CLASS, GODDAMNIT, WE ARE NOT RUNNING A CIRCUS HERE. 

but i was like! yolo, motherfuckers!!! i already got into college, YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME.

at some point during the day elle and our friend ginna came back to the room with takeout from the chinese delivery place and we sat on our floor eating it and probably watching veronica mars or looking at the endangered species list and crying.

all of a sudden, elle said, “guys shut up, guys shut up, GUYS SHUT UP,” and ginna and i were like, “WHAT we have a LOT to SAY about FRIED FUCKING DUMPLINGS, ELLE," and elle said, "did you hear that?"

"hear what?"

that!”

'that' was the sound of one of our dorm moms, mrs. f, knocking on doors and saying things like, “IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BUTTS TO CLASS IN 5 MINUTES YOU'RE ON CATEGORY 4 RESTRICTION FOREVER.” elle quickly scampered up our raised beds to hide in the corner, where a tiny human like elle could actually hide from view; i leapt immediately into what we called a closet but was basically a cubby with a flap that was DEFINITELY not meant for a 5'8” individual with knobby as hell knees.

our door, which was never locked because we both hated the effort of typing in the lock code, opened. mrs. f said, “mollyhall?”

i held my breath. 

  • i should add here that i seemed to be operating on like a scooby-doo level of logic where basically i thought that she was somehow NOT ALLOWED to investigate?
  • like, if she can’t see me, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that she could prove i’m in here, right?
  • she’ll just poke her head in and be like oH GOSH NO KIDS HERE and leave!!

you can see the flaw in my logic.

mrs. f sighed. “mollyhall, i know you’re in here, i literally heard your voice ten seconds ago.”

  • there’s no WAY she guesses i’m in the closet!!!

"mollyhall, i know you’re in the closet."

  • NO YOU DON’T
  • I AM SCHRÖDINGER’S SENIOR

"mollyhall—"

there was a creak. mrs. f stopped. it wasn’t actually a “creak,” so much as this like, prolonged groan? like it’s the sound an elephant would make if it sat on a really large accordion.

i poked my head out of the closet. mrs. f looked at me. elle sat up.

i said, “where’s ginna?”

  • YOU KNOW WHERE GINNA WAS.

"um," said elle, "she’s in the—"

  • GINNA NO

ginna yes.

i really wish i could describe the sound the ceiling made when it collapsed. it sounded a lot like the way losing your breath feels. i sort of remember ginna falling in like, really slow motion, like i could see the expression on her face. i didn’t really think about how i would describe this in words. ginna’s face said:

  • oh no.
  • what have i done?
  • this was a mistake. 
  • i regret a series of decisions that i have made.
  • is there a way out of this?
  • are those oreos under mollyhall’s pillow?
  • why are there oreos under mollyhall’s pillow?
  • mollyhall, you HAVE a food cupboard, what good is a food cupboard if you don’t—
  • oh, crap.

she belly flopped onto the floor. i mean, the girl bounced. and then she just laid there. mrs. f looked at her. elle looked at her. i looked at her, still mostly in the closet. we were all going to get category 4 restriction forever.

ginna said, “hi, mrs. f. i feel like i should explain.”

ohnoproblems:

natellite:

"the raven" only its about macklemore. thanks for following my blog

once inside a thrift shop dreary, while i browsed there, weak and weary,

over many a quaint and curious greatcoat of forgotten bore—

while I nodded, puissance sapping, suddenly there came a yapping,

as of some one whitely rapping, rapping at my bargain store—

“‘tis some visitor,” i muttered, “rapping at my bargain store—

only this and macklemore.”

lil jon ain’t lil jon without the sun glasses.

Example….

w/out sun glasses

Cashier: did you find everything ok?

Lil jon: indeed and thank you for asking.

with sun glasses

Cashier: did you find everything ok?

Lil jon: YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Why everybody on this bitch needs to come together like butt cheeks….

Check this shit out yo.

On a real note?! Our hood da milky way holds down about $300 billion mutha fuckin stars yo! You know like dat pimp ass one we got?! The sun?! You knows what I’m sayin fool! But hold the fuck up for just a minute and $30 fuckin seconds player. About the same time it takes for yo cup o noodles to cook because I know your ass is broke.

Some of these pimps aka giant ass fuckin stars be just like our own Mac daddy. But a whole lotta dem be varying in sizes plus it’s safe to say that most of these pimps got hos to go along wit em. That’s right!! The earth be the sun’s ho and right about now she be a hot mess.

Now some of these pimps got hos in the right places you feel me?? I like to call these hos in particular the goldilocks bitches. Never too close to a pimp to fall in love but never too far away to get the cold shoulder. They got the best corner on the block to bring in all sorts of living shit.

Movin the fuck on…..

$13.5 billion years since the big bang is a hell of a long time! More than enough time for life to get its shit together.

Since us players of the game have only been around fo an estimated two hunnit n seventy six thousand years (based on the earliest known tools discovered by them Rick James type mutha fuckas called scientist) the idea of life starting somewhere else other than our own ghetto sounds more legit than gettin this months rent together.

With the amount of time it took the first tiny ass organisms living in the ocean just bobbin and weavin everywhere, to all the living mutha fuckas on this bitch right now, the idea of civilizations as pimp as ourselves happenin elsewhere doesn’t sound jive at all.

Matter fact, they could be out there right now hustlin n recording their own shit they be doing. Imagine if they also had history textbooks like us. For reals doe, that mutha fucka might be holdin $10 times more recorded hustlin than what we have ever learned in the history of the game!

How bout $100 times more? Yes mutha fucka, that shit could be on the realist of reals.

Now, I know you mutha fuckas are thinking “oh shit im so small im just a thot to the sun” WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE YOU ABOUT TO GET BLOWN OUT THE MUTHA FUCKIN WINDOW!

Think about everythang I just told yo ass. Everaythang?? Yes, everaythang! All this shit I told you, that’s just what’s happenin in our own hood we call da milky way…..

Ohhhhh it’s about to go down right here!

We got at least…… $100 billion (as in $100,000,000,000) hoods up in the observable universe baby! As in all this shit I just told yo ass that’s happenin in our own galaxy, times that shit by $100 billion!

If that don’t make you slap yo moms mom then idk what the fuck you smokin.

knowing that somewhere there could be a civilization that got their shit together and lived in peace is all the motivation I need to let go of any hatred and to not seek violence as revenge.

if we can know all of this information simply by looking up from earth, then we are more than capable to do some next level shit if we all accepted each other and worked together.

theoppositeofsane:

youngblackandvegan:

kyleehenke:

I cannot be stopped

this is the most important video i’ve ever seen

This is a spiritual experience.

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